


Kiss Me Like We Die Tonight (The Beautiful Day Remix)

by inksheddings



Category: Saiyuki
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-12
Updated: 2014-04-12
Packaged: 2018-01-19 03:28:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,142
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1453768
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/inksheddings/pseuds/inksheddings
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gojyo didn't want to be angry, not if these actually were his last minutes with Hakkai. There were so many stupid emotions he should be sharing with his best friend, and not one of them should make him feel like beating the back of his head against the hard ground until he passed out again.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Kiss Me Like We Die Tonight (The Beautiful Day Remix)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [tofsla](https://archiveofourown.org/users/tofsla/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Perhaps One Day](https://archiveofourown.org/works/435459) by [tofsla](https://archiveofourown.org/users/tofsla/pseuds/tofsla). 



> Oh my goodness! I was so pleased with my assignment, and decided to remix this particular story fairly quickly. It was just such a beautiful, short, heartbreaking moment. ♥ 
> 
> Thank you so very much, **giving groud (tofsla),** for allowing me the chance to remix your lovely work. It was a pleasure. I love your original story so very much. 
> 
> I know that many writers use pronouns such as "hir" and "ze" for Kanzeon, but since she identifies herself as a goddess and a lady, I went with "she."
> 
> The title is completely and shamelessly stolen from Elbow's [One Day Like This,](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rPpu6x430JA) which may or may not have become my new Hakkai/Gojyo theme song. *coughs*
> 
> And last -- but definitely not least! -- thank you to my ever-amazing beta, **whymzycal**. Without you, I'd be adrift in a land of endless italics and too many commas.

**Kiss Me Like We Die Tonight (The Beautiful Day Remix)**

Gojyo couldn't take another step. He was exhausted. And they didn't seem to be getting anywhere; he and Hakkai were just walking past rocks and dead-looking trees without, apparently, any particular destination. He didn't even remember when they'd started walking or why. 

"Where the — Where are we going?" Gojyo asked.

"To the river," Hakkai answered. 

Gojyo looked at Hakkai, walking next to him, but could barely see him. He was out of focus, hazy around the edges. Gojyo wondered if maybe he was drunk, but he didn't remember the last sip of water he'd had, let alone the last real drink. But the longer he looked at Hakkai, the more Hakkai's features seemed to blend in with the landscape, dull and dusty and— gray. 

Gojyo stopped in his tracks. Hakkai's clothes, his hair, his skin — everything was turning gray. Hints of color showed up here and there— a flash of green from his tunic, gold from his monocle, the dark brown of his hair. But with each step, the remaining colors seemed to dim. Heart speeding up, Gojyo looked down at his hands. They weren't tanned anymore, more ashy than brown. His black boots were fading, blending in with the dirt and rocks under his feet. 

"Are you coming, Gojyo? The river is just ahead." Hakkai pointed toward the direction they'd been walking. 

Gojyo, struggling for words, for actions, looked where Hakkai indicated, and yep, there was a river about 50 feet ahead. Only the water, which was moving swiftly yet strangely silent, wasn't blue. It wasn't gray, either, but it wasn't blue. It was red. 

"What the hell," Gojyo whispered. He couldn't move forward. He couldn't move back. He fucking couldn't _move._

"Now, Gojyo, come along. I'm sure the water's nice," ]Hakkai said, using the same tone he'd use to ask Gojyo to leave his dirty boots out on the porch. 

“Why are you so fucking calm?” Gojyo wanted to yell the words, but they still whispered across his tongue. He wanted to grab Hakkai and shake him, knock either some sense into him or a reasonable explanation out of him. But honestly? Gojyo was scared to try it. The color was still bleeding out of Hakkai’s clothes and skin and hair, making him look more insubstantial by the second. What if he crumbled like a sand castle at Gojyo’s touch?

“Who says I’m calm?” Hakkai answered, and just for a second Gojyo saw his eyes flash green again before the color was leeching back out. 

“Is that it? Do I need to piss you off to make you— to make you _you?_ Is that it, Hakkai? Because this place, this place isn't anything. It's not right. It's— where the hell are we?"

“Oh, Gojyo.”

Hakkai stepped closer and reached out his hand. He tangled his fingers through Gojyo’s hair and looked so intently at the strands, still red as blood, red as the river flowing in this nonsensical place. Hakkai tightened his grip, and Gojyo could feel the pull at his scalp. It hurt, but he kept his mouth shut, only wincing when he felt a few hairs break away. 

“No, Gojyo, you don’t have to, ah, piss me off.” Hakkai stepped even closer but didn’t loosen his grip on Gojyo’s hair. “Though I don’t really mind when you do.” 

Hakkai smiled, and it wasn’t anything like the weird pallor of the world around them. It was a little bit fond, a little bit frightening, and entirely Hakkai. 

"Then what—"

Gojyo was unable to speak further at the sight of color moving its way up Hakkai's hand and then his arm; the color of Gojyo's hair, spreading across Hakkai's skin like a gory road map. 

"What the fuck, 'Kai? What the fuck. This isn't real, it can't be."

Gojyo's voice, to his own ears, still sounded far too quiet. He could barely hear himself as he realized that as Hakkai was painted in blood, Gojyo's hair was now losing its cursed shade. It was turning the same sort of gray that had swallowed up Hakkai and the landscape all around, except for that fucking river. And the more red Hakkai's arm became, the more he now stood out against the pale scenery, the more Gojyo felt himself begin to blend in; to sink in, like he was now losing himself. He was slipping away, losing consciousness as Hakkai grew more vibrant right in front of him. 

"Oh, but it could be. It very well could be real. But it's fine, Gojyo," Hakkai said, the red now moving over his shoulder, across his throat and face. Hakkai glanced first at the red of his arm and then the gray of Gojyo's hair. "It's fine. The Minus Wave is over. What happens to us, it doesn't make a difference."

And Gojyo felt heavy at the thought, weighted down. No difference, no matter. He could sink to the bottom of that river of blood and it wouldn't make any difference. But he couldn't move, couldn't take another step, so he passed out, right where he stood.

Or, rather, he woke up. 

Hard ground underneath his back and too bright sun in his eyes. But as his vision adjusted, Gojyo was greeted by blue sky and white clouds. Blessed color. Breathing, however, was agony, every inhalation like someone was scraping out his lungs with a razor. One thing more was eerily familiar, though. Hakkai's fingers were wrapped around his hair and pulling hard.

Sounding panicked, Hakkai spoke. "Gojyo, are you all right?" 

The last thing Gojyo ever wanted was to worry Hakkai, but after that freaky dream or whatever it was, thank fuck for Hakkai's concern. Because if Gojyo ever did sink to the bottom of a river of blood or piss or even the purest rain water, it would make a difference to Hakkai.

"It makes a fucking difference."

"Gojyo! Oh, thank—"

"D'you hear me, Hakkai? It makes a difference! Even in this shitty place, it makes a god damn difference. Is the Minus Wave over? Did we win? Because this doesn't feel like winning to me at all," Gojyo said, holding off the coughing fit building in his chest. It would hurt like hell and his body didn't feel like it could take much more. He turned his head just enough to see Hakkai lying next to him. Thankfully, his eyes were green, his hair was dark brown, and his monocle was . . . nowhere to be seen. Well, two out of three would have to do. But his face was bruised, and blood was slowly dripping from his nose.

"For a certain definition of 'winning,' Gojyo, that's just what we did," Hakkai responded, stroking his fingers down Gojyo's cheek. "Those from Hontou castle have lost and are already dead."

"Oh. Well, fuck, that's much better, 'Kai. Winning means we get an extra five minutes more of living than the bad guys?" 

Gojyo didn't want to be angry, not if these actually were his last minutes with Hakkai. There were so many stupid emotions he should be sharing with his best friend, and not one of them should make him feel like beating the back of his head against the hard ground until he passed out again. 

"Hakkai . . ." This time Gojyo couldn't suppress the coughing fit, and it brought not only pain to his entire body, but blood to his tongue. He tried to spit it out, but that hurt, too. So maybe that was how he was gonna go, mouth and lungs full of blood.

But then Hakkai was there, his mouth covering Gojyo's and kissing him gently, pushing his tongue against Gojyo's—and wasn't that disgusting, but with Hakkai you never knew—and everything still hurt. It maybe hurt even more because _this_ was gonna be Gojyo's only real regret.

Gojyo kissed back and tried to wrap his arms tightly around Hakkai, but he could barely move them and was worried he'd hurt Hakkai. Still, he managed to run a hand underneath Hakkai's shirt and feel the skin covering his ribs. It was warm and sticky and undoubtedly as red as Gojyo's hair. 

The kiss ended and Gojyo opened his eyes to find Hakkai leaning over him and looking like he, too, was pissed off. And yet resigned to their fate. 

They were dying. What the hell could they do about it? Right?

"Maybe next time," Hakkai said, melancholy and such fondness in his voice that Gojyo could only think of one appropriate response.

Oh, fuck that.

"What, Gojyo?"

"Fuck next time, Hakkai. Just fuck it all the way back to China and— just fuck that."

Gojyo pushed himself up until he was sitting upright— mostly —and he looked around. Bodies lay everywhere, and Gojyo couldn't tell who'd been on their side and who'd been trying and succeeding to kill them. He didn't see monk or monkey, thankfully. There was a stench in the air, mixed with thick smoke, that Gojyo couldn't identify. He was was grateful for that, really. But he pushed his body until he was kneeling on the hard ground. He leaned his head back and shouted up at the sky. " Yo! Bosatsu-sama! You crazy interfering drag queen of a—"

"Is that any way to ask a lady over for a friendly conversation?"

Kanzeon Bosatsu was crouched down, eye-to-eye with Gojyo. He could see the chaos around them reflected in her eyes, but she was still dressed in clean garments and her hair shone in the sunlight. 

"No," Gojyo replied. "But I don't see any lady, and I most definitely don't feel all friendly-like."

The Bosatsu grinned wickedly and poked him in the chest. It wasn't much of a poke, but in his current state it was enough to knock Gojyo over onto his side, hitting the hard ground with no dignity whatsoever. Gojyo's vision swam, and he heard Hakkai call out his name, but then there was the goddess, whispering in his ear.

"What do you want, you adorable idiot?"

Gojyo closed his eyes for a second and took a few shallow, painful breaths. When he opened his eyes, all he could see were ringlets of the deepest black hanging in his face. She smelled better than everything else around them, at least.

"Fuck next time," Gojyo answered. "No more next times for me and Hakkai. No more new lives that turn out shittier than the old ones. You can do that for us. You fucking owe us."

Kanzeon's voice in his ear held nothing but the compassion she was supposedly known for. "You are dying. You have done what was asked of you, but . . . you are going to die. You both are. I can't change that."

Gojyo wasn't even going to touch that assertion, but he didn't have to— didn't even care to. He reached out and pushed her hair out of the way so he could look her in the eye. "That's not what I'm asking for."

Her brow crinkled in thought and then smoothed out as understanding brightened her face. "Ah. Gotcha."

And with that she was gone. 

"Gojyo." Hakkai slid closer to Gojyo, painful breaths shuddering through each syllable. "What did you—"

"Shhh, Hakkai. Don't you worry." Gojyo was rapidly losing strength—and likely consciousness. But he somehow propped himself up enough to look down at Hakkai's gorgeous face. Kissing would be a good way to go. Yeah. Kissing.

*****

Death wasn't so bad. Their house was still pretty damn small, and Hakkai continued to nag Gojyo about fixing this and replacing that. But the garden never grew weeds, which both fascinated and delighted Hakkai. Sharing a bed delighted Gojyo; fuck fascination.

They talked about Sanzo and Goku now and then, but not too often. Knowing they'd survived the end of the Minus Wave and wondering if they'd, you know, _survived_ were entirely different things, so Hakkai and Gojyo tended not to dwell much on those two pains in the ass. 

There'd been no sign of the Bosatsu since they'd . . . well, died and woken up still themselves, healed, clean, and naked in their new home. And hadn't that been a homecoming worth remembering? They didn't have any neighbors, either, but they had chickens, a cow, and a garden in which Gojyo had pushed Hakkai down onto the fertile ground more than once, in order to sow some seeds of his own. 

Standing out front, barefoot in the green grass, a cool breeze pushed Gojyo's hair out of his face, out of his view, so all he could see was the start of the setting sun and the river flowing blue and clear. He heard the front door open and Hakkai's impatient sigh.

"For the last time, Gojyo, supper is ready. Shall I feed your portion to the cow?"

So, yeah. Death wasn't so bad.

 

**end**


End file.
